To Court A Blonde
by gomenasai-for-everything
Summary: Xaldin, despite his claim to a silver tongue, has no idea of how to start a relationship, much less one with Roxas! His only hope turns out to be Axel, who promises his assistance in exchange for a pretty, pretty ruby.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Welcome to the third fic in the every Organization male x Roxas series! This fic is Xaldin X Roxas.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

* * *

Roxas didn't like Beast's castle. It was beautiful, in a way, but it was too dark, marred with ugly scratches and broken statues. Even the inhabitants frightened him, sometimes. It made him uncomfortable when he was at home because he expected the clock in his room to stand up and tell him to stop hitting it or the candelabras in the hall to start screaming that they were on fire. Really though, Wonderland wasn't much better in that regard, so he couldn't really complain about that, especially since he enjoyed visiting Wonderland. He supposed the Beast himself was a big part of his fear. He was a huge thing, with a roar that shook the walls and a body over twice the size of his. And the teeth... he wouldn't even speak of them. He supposed Belle wasn't all that frightening, but really? Such a small woman who could so easily control the Beast? That was just a little frightening in itself, honestly. But he could deal with all of that, every single bit of it, because hey, he was even fine in Halloween Town, if not for the man who always seemed to inhabit Beast's Castle: Xaldin.

The man was gigantic, almost as big as the Beast himself, with sharp, cold eyes and a detatched way of seeing things that made him shudder with fright, even with the loveliness of his voice. He was obsessed with power, Roxas knew, and was too thrilled whenever a powerful heartless appeared. He could remember one battle they'd had with a gigantic pureblood, how he'd smiled a feral smile and jumped right in while Roxas himself slowly crept forward, testing the waters. He also remembered how disappointed he'd been when they'd brought it down, how he'd called it toothless. It scared him, a lot, and he didn't really know why because Xaldin was his comrade. He had to trust him, he knew, but sometimes it was hard. He didn't seem like he was human, or even like he was a Nobody. Even Xemnas seemed to fake a few emotions, anger, hatred, righteousness, but with Xaldin there was nothing, not anything. It scared him, a lot. Eventually it got to the point that he protested whenever Saix asked him to go to the castle. Saix, being Saix, ignored any complaint and sent him anyway.

He wondered if Xaldin even had missions anywhere else after a while, because he could never go there anymore without seeing him. Once, in fact, he went with Xion to fight some giant, and Xaldin was waiting by the dark portal, arms crossed and face just as blank as always.

"Xaldin?" he asked, as Xion took his arm.

"Yes?" the man asked, thick brow quirked.

"What um... are you doing here?" came Xion's soft voice as she stared up at the big man, her own thin body half-hidden behind Roxas'.

"Work, the same as you I suppose. The Organization has interest in the rose," he said.

"Oh. Well, bye then, I guess!" Roxas said, trying to smile. Xaldin stared, and stepped aside. He left quickly with Xion, and upon arriving at the Clock Tower the black haired girl shuddered.

"He's really creepy!"

"I know... I don't think he ever leaves that castle!" Roxas laughed.

"Who're you guys talking about?" came Axel's voice as he came over and sat, his long body nearly folded in half.

"Xaldin! We just saw him at Beast's Castle again!" Xion said, and Axel nodded.

"Yeah, the boss does send him there a lot doesn't he? Must be something about that spell, they probably want to learn how to use it," the red head said with a shrug as Roxas handed him an ice-cream.

"Why?" Roxas asked, and Axel smiled down at him.

"Think about it. Beasts all over the place, all controlled by us. All we'd have to do would be promise them humanity," Axel said, and Roxas nodded.

"Still, he's always there. I've never gone there without him coming up to me," Roxas said.

"Really now? Seems to me he'd be trying to be a bit more stealthy," Axel said.

"Maybe Roxas is just good at finding him. I only see him when Roxas is there too," Xion said with a bright smile. Axel's brow went up to his hairline as he stared at the blonde, and then he was laughing. Roxas pouted indignantly.

"What's so funny?" Axel shook his head, trying his best to get himself under control.

"Don't worry about it. Not something I should talk to little kids about," he smirked, and then Xion was glaring at him too.

"We're not little kids! We're stronger than a lot of the Organization members!" the tiny girl yelled, and Roxas nodded his agreement.

"True enough, true enough, but age-wise you guys are still little kids, and Nobody or not I've still got morals," he smirked, and while they still pouted and glared at him both Roxas and Xion stopped speaking on the matter.

* * *

Axel had to visit Xaldin, really he did. The stoic man never seemed to do anything stupid like the other Organization members, so he'd never had anything to make fun of him for, but this, this was golden. He was just glad no one else had caught on yet, but he'd probably make sure they would. Or maybe he could just blackmail the dark haired man, he did come across some wonderful treasures during his missions. Nothing as good as what Luxord could find, of course, but still pretty nice. He'd gotten a ruby from Agrabah about a month ago in fact, and Axel couldn't help but think it would make him a beautiful earring.

"Saix! Where's Xaldin, I need to talk to him," Axel said loudly as he walked into the Grey Area.

"Beast's Castle, where he always is. He is stationed there, you realize," Saix said, already annoyed and knowing that Axel wouldn't make it any better.

"Ah, didn't know you'd moved him in down there, didn't think we did that anymore," Axel smirked, and Saix glared, hoping the thin man would just open a portal and go. Axel quickly realized this, and opened a portal with a cheeky smile and a wave. Saix broke the pencil he'd been writing a report with.

* * *

Axel walked all over the castle until he found Xaldin, who'd easily hidden himself in one of the castles secret nooks, which further proved to Axel that whenever Xaldin had been seen by Roxas he'd wanted to be seen. The red head cut right to the point as soon as he found the man.

"If you want your little crush on Roxykins to stay secret I want everything you find on your missions, starting with that pretty ruby you picked up a while back," he grinned, and Xaldin glared.

"I'm afraid I've got no earthly idea of what you're talking about Axel," he said, perfectly calm. Axel, having expected this, brought out his evidence.

"Really now, is that right? How is it then that Roxy happens to run across you every time he visits here then, hm?"

"It's not as though I hide from my comrades, Axel. I'm sure many of the Organization members have come across me while here, and Roxas could easily be forgetting a few missions where he didn't find me around," the man said, sweeping his hair from his shoulder. Axel smirked. That was a nervous twitch he had, probably an old trait from when he had a heart. He had him right where he wanted him.

"Funny thing though Xaldin, Xion said she only sees you when she's with Roxas, and this is the only time I've seen you around. You know, I've been looking around a few hours actually, and there aren't any heartless in this area, so why would Roxas ever come around?" he asked innocently, and Xaldin glared once more, his aloof facade gaining another crack.

"Perhaps Roxas is searching for me. He could have gained a bit of an infatuation for me, rather than it being the other way around as you assume." Axel laughed.

"For being described as a man with a silver tongue you're horrible at making excuses. Roxas is terrible at recon, everyone knows that! Xemnas doesn't even trust him to do it unsupervised anymore since he missed a big ass heartless and nearly got Demyx killed! Even if he had been looking for you he wouldn't have been able to find you, and I know for a fact that you scare him to death!" The bigger man's eye twitched almost imperceptibly.

"Then I've got no idea what to tell you. Perhaps it is coincidence," he said, but without his usual bite.

"As if. It's no coincidence that Roxas and Xion found you just waiting around their dark portal. Hoping the little blondie would show up alone, maybe?" Axel grinned, and Xaldin's fingers twitched once. Yeah, yeah he definitely had him now, and he had two ways of going about this: tread carefully to get him to confess it on his own or be stupidly bold and risk getting killed by his lances, which would prove his argument anyway because Xaldin wouldn't attack if it wasn't true. Since Axel was and would forever be a sarcastic smart ass, he chose the way that could very easily get him maimed. "I can see why you like him though, he is most definitely a cute piece of ass. Total bottom too, but with just a little bite. I'd bet anyone in the Organization would take him if they got the chance. Who wouldn't wanna call a cutie like that their lover? You can admit it, it's fine. Even I'd have him if I could, you know?" As soon as the tell-tale ping of a weapon being summoned filled the air Axel was running and summoning his chakrams, desperately hoping he could get to the portal before this maniac caught him. It was for naught, however, because as an air-controller Xaldin was very very _very _fast and Axel, sadly, was not. The red head was a big enough man to admit that he squealed like a frightened child when the man's hand closed around his hair. He was also a big enough man to admit that he was a huge idiot for throwing out another jab at that very moment.

"Always figured you'd be the jealous type. Poor Roxy better watch his ass, huh?" He knew he deserved the whack with the lance that was given to him.

"I truly would kill you, but I fear I'd be turned into a dusk for it. For some reason Xemnas values you," he hissed, and Axel, still Axel, gave his famous shit eating grin.

"Of course he does, I'm wonderful. Now, since you've completely freaked out I'll assume I'm right and we can get our deal going, hm? How about you tell me where that ruby is, huh buddy?" He yelped when Xaldin gave a sharp tug to his hair.

"There is not much use in lying about it now, I suppose. Yes, I am attracted to Roxas, but no, I will not give you my things, at least not in exchange for your silence. It's not as if anyone would believe you anyway. I will, however, let you have your choice of a few objects if you do something else for me."

"And what would that be?" Axel asked, shifting slightly to relieve some of the pressure being placed on his poor, delicate scalp.

"Help me get the boy. You said yourself he is scared of me, and I'm willing to admit I'm no expert in the field of romance," he said, loosening his hold just slightly. Axel shifted again and thought about it. Should he really help this really big guy get at his best friend's ass? He wouldn't doubt that if he succeeded Roxy wouldn't walk straight for the rest of his life, and that wouldn't look too good on missions. It's hard to kill Heartless when they're laughing at you, he knew, but damn that ruby was a nice rock, and Xaldin would take good care of him. Hell, if the way he'd reacted a few moments ago was any indication he'd kill someone if they even looked at Roxas in a way that could possibly, by any stretch of the imagination, be seen as sexual. And that was a really, really nice stone. Ah, screw it, Roxy would forgive him! Roxy _always _forgave him, and in the long run, he decided, this would be good for him.

"Alright, I can do that. Do I still get to take your shit even if it doesn't work?" the red head asked, and after considering for a moment Xaldin sighed and nodded. Axel cheered. "Good. Now, the first thing you need to do is stop being such a damn creep! No cute little blonde wants to date a guy who just randomly appears out of nowhere every time he's around him. Don't sneak up on him next time he's around, and maybe try to have a conversation with him, help him with his mission, something like that. As soon as you don't scare him to death I can tell you step two," Axel said, and Xaldin nodded, finally releasing the other man's hair.

"What should I talk about?" he asked, and Axel almost laughed. How could someone speak so eloquently and not have a damn idea about how to get a lover? It was incredibly ironic.

"Ask him what he likes, how he's doing, maybe even compliment him or something. Hell, I don't know, tell a joke or something. He likes laughing," Axel shrugged. Xaldin nodded and Axel smiled. He'd never seen the man so obedient in his life!

"Good. Thank you Axel. Now, I'll ask for one last favor: get Roxas a mission here, preferably solo. I'm not allowed to leave here, so I can't make my attempt anywhere else," the man said, and Axel nodded.

"No problem man. Now, if you'll just tell me where that ruby is, I'll be on my way," Axel said, and Xaldin shook his head.

"You'll not get it until we go through all the steps. Whether Roxas says yes or no at the end of this I'll tell you where it is, but you won't find out a second before his reply," Xaldin said, and Axel cursed lowly, wondering if this was really worth it, but the more he thought about that pretty, pretty ruby, the more he knew he had to have it. He'd always had a weakness for shiny things, especially shiny things that were red.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts

* * *

Saix, after forcing Axel to agree to stay far away from him while he was working for exactly one month, had sent Roxas on some pointless mission to Beast's Castle despite the fact that Axel didn't tell him why it was so urgent. It had been a mere three days since Axel had made his deal.

Roxas was almost positive that Saix hated him. He knew he hated going to Beast's Castle, he had to, but he'd told him that he was going on a mission there today, and it didn't even sound like there was a reason for it! The Heartless there were mostly purebloods and the ones that weren't were weak anyway! Yes, Saix definitely hated him, but he opened a dark portal and went anyway. He could always complain to Axel when he finished, Axel always understood when he complained about Saix. The castle's courtyard appeared around him, and with a sigh he summoned his Keyblade and began to wander around. Xaldin, from his place high in the Castle, saw the boy appear and grinned. His chance was upon him. He opened a dark portal.

Roxas sprang backwards at the sight of the swirling darkness that appeared in front of him, and when Xaldin appeared from it he gasped.

"I apologize for frightening you, Roxas, but I saw you appear from the castle and thought that I could help you with your mission," the man said, brushing hair from his shoulders. Roxas looked surprised.

"Oh, that's alright! It's an easy mission, so I don't really need help," Roxas smiled nervously.

"I insist." Roxas didn't respond, but nodded gently. The man had gotten very loud quite suddenly, and he assumed it was better to not argue. Xaldin, who hadn't realized his increase in volume, merely thought the younger was warming up to him, and so led the blonde towards the ballroom. What, he thought, could be better place to get the boy?

Upon reaching the lower door to the ballroom they heard music, and Xaldin cursed quietly.

"Looks like we'll have to search somewhere else," Roxas shrugged, turning away. Xaldin stopped him.

"No. For as long as I've been here, I've never seen or heard anyone in that ballroom. It needs to be investigated." Roxas, his mouth formed into a small 'O', nodded and followed the older man to the upper entrance and saw the Beast leading Belle gracefully across the dance floor while the other objects that inhabited the house looked on happily. A hand landed on his shoulder.

"A boy as lovely as you should always be asked to dance when in a ballroom," Xaldin said, remembering Axel's advice to compliment him as he swept him into his arms. Roxas, while shocked, moved along with him for fear of falling and giving them away. "I truly wish you weren't frightened of me, Roxas. That is not my intention in showing up unexpectedly as I do," Xaldin mumbled as he led the boy, his hand strong against the blonde's lower back.

"W-What?" Roxas asked, tensing up as he was spun around.

"I don't want you to be scared of me. I was never very comfortable around others, even before I became a Nobody, so I don't know how to really talk to people, despite what some seem to think."

"So you want to talk to me? You could have just said that!" Roxas laughed, his muscles loosening as Xaldin showed this bit of humanity. Xaldin gave a small smile.

"Perhaps so." The music slowed, and Xaldin dipped the blonde, who gasped once again.

"Of course so! I don't mind talking to you," the blonde giggled softly, more comfortable around the black haired man than he'd ever been, and Xaldin quirked a brow. Was that really all it took? How frustratingly simple. He was drawn from his thoughts by the blonde speaking again. "So, do you still want to help me finish my mission?" he asked, and Xaldin nodded.

"Yes, I think that will be best," he said, and the two left.

As they killed numerous Snapper Dogs and Bully Dogs so Roxas could fill his mission quota quickly Xaldin made his attempts at small talk.

"So, what is it that you like to do?" he questioned, once again calling upon Axel's advice. Roxas appeared to think for a minute as he swung his blade around.

"I like to go to the Clock Tower," he said.

"The Clock Tower?" Xaldin wondered, thinking perhaps that it was some nick name for an area of the Castle That Never Was.

"Yeah, in Twilight Town! You get a great view of the sunset from there, and its fun to watch the locals run around down there. Oh, and Twilight Town is the only place where you can buy Sea-Salt Ice-Cream! It's mine, Axel, and Xion's favorite!" he said with a childish smile. Xaldin, who'd never had a mission in Twilight Town, had never heard of such a treat.

"That sounds... interesting. I believe I should visit there some time," he said, and Roxas smiled as he felled a random Soldier that had come from behind them.

"You should! Do you want to go with me after the mission? We're friends now, so it's okay to bring you there."

"We're friends, eh? Why does that matter?"

"Axel said that me, him, and Xion were friends, so we could go to the Clock Tower together. You're my friend now too, aren't you?" The blonde, with his head cocked and lower lip stuck out, made too cute of a picture to say 'no' to.

"I suppose we are, though I can't say I'll be a good friend. I've never really had one before," the man said, having noted that the younger seemed to respond to him acting lonely. Roxas looked shocked once again.

"Really? I'd always thought you and Xigbar seemed pretty close. If you're not then you really do have to go with me! We always have lots of fun," Roxas grinned, his eyes closing for a few seconds.

"I'm afraid Xigbar reminds me quite a lot of a particularly troublesome gnat," Xaldin stated, lunging forward to kill a shadow. Roxas laughed. "But I cannot go with you, at least not at the moment. I must stay here until my mission is complete." Roxas looked disappointed.

"That's too bad. You promise you'll tell me when you're done though, right? So you can go up there with us!" Xaldin nodded, and Roxas grinned. That grin doubled when he noticed he'd completed his mission.

"Thanks Xaldin! I had fun, but I've got to go now, okay? I'll see you later!" Roxas said, rushing out of the castle to his dark portal. Xaldin gave a slight wave in return before slinking back to one of his many hiding places throughout the castle.

* * *

When Roxas arrived at the Clock Tower, ice-cream bar in hand, Xion was already there.

"Hey Roxas! I heard you had to go to Beast's Castle again today. Did you see Xaldin again?" she asked, and Roxas nodded as he took his seat.

"Yeah, but he was sorta... different today," Roxas said, and Axel, from his hiding place behind the wall, listened hard in order to find out how well he'd done as a match maker.

"Different how?" Xion asked, and Axel could and would have kissed her boots.

"Just different different. I don't really know how to explain it. He just showed up, like he always does, but then he offered to help me with my mission," Roxas said, and Xion didn't ask anything else. Axel sighed. It seemed that if he was going to find out any of the dirty details he'd have to discover them himself.

"That sounds nice of him," the red head said, his arms crossed as he walked out.

"I guess. It was just kind of strange for him though, since he normally doesn't. What was even weirder was that he took me to the ball room, and hardly nothing but shadows ever goes there! We did here music though, and when we looked down from that little over hang we saw Belle and the Beast dancing. Xaldin did something really strange up there though," the boy said thoughtfully, and Axel sighed. It seemed like his next mission would be 'make Roxas think Xaldin is not strange, because that isn't much better than being scared of him'.

"What did he do?" he asked, trying to get that perfect mixture of uncaring and interest that would keep the blonde talking.

"He danced with me, and called me lovely. Do you know why he did that?" Axel made a note to give the boy sex ed later because he really didn't think Xaldin would stop to explain the mechanics if he ever got that far.

"Nope. Anything happen after that?" he questioned.

"Not much. He told me not to be scared of him because he wasn't too good at talking to people. I think we're friends now though. I invited him up here, if that's okay," Roxas said, swinging his legs and giving a quick lick to his rapidly melting ice-cream. Axel gave a small wince. Looked like Xaldin had been immediately friend-zoned, but he figured he could fix that, and if not at least the guy could fantasize a little better if he had daily contact with the little blonde.

"Cool with me. What about you, Xion?" he asked, and the girl smiled.

"I think it'd be good to get to know him better. It seems like he's not so bad. Hey, Roxas, you think if I went with you to Beast's Castle next time he'd dance with me?" Xion asked happily, and Roxas grinned, about to answer, but Axel cut him off.

"Aw, does little Xion have a crush on big ol' Xaldin?" he asked, knowing that if she did that could cause a whole lot of unforeseen problems in his match making that he did not want to deal with. The girl blushed. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, she did. Now he'd have to get Xaldin to deal with this before he could even really get started trying to get into Roxas' pants. His only thought was that had better be a really, really nice ruby, and he'd better be able to get it mounted into a gold earring. Xaldin had damn well better pay for the gold too. Roxas laughed.

"That's sweet! I'm sure Xaldin would dance with you too, if I was able to put music on." Axel barely resisted leaping from the ledge at these words, and when the girl giggled and clapped her hands he felt himself leaning forward. "Axel, be careful! If you fall you'll get hurt!" he heard Roxas' yell and sighed once more.

"Thanks Roxy."

* * *

Axel, after leaving the Clock Tower, went directly to Beast's Castle and spent the next two hours of his life hunting for the other Nobody. The damned bastard was on his toes as soon as Roxy came, but if it's Axel, the guy trying to help him get his boy, he couldn't be bothered to come out and say hello! He finally found him in a secret room tucked away in the cellar.

"Nice job Xaldin. Roxy isn't scared of you anymore, he just thinks you're weird. That's progress," Axel grinned as he scratched his scalp.

"He must not think too badly of me. He invited me to go to some place called the Clock Tower."

"True enough, but I think you might have come on a little strong with the dancing and calling him pretty. You've got to take these things a little slower, especially with someone like Roxy. Hell, you're probably going to spend half your time with him trying to explain your intentions. He doesn't have much knowledge on the subject of relationships, and honestly the fact that he didn't seem upset that you called him lovely could mean he sees you as more but doesn't realize it. I found out about another issue we're going to be having though," the man sighed, really, really not wanting to deal with this next part.

"And what is that?"

"Xion has a crush on you. A surprisingly big one, actually." Axel said, not even grinning. Xaldin laughed, and Axel stared in shock.

"Are you being serious? How wonderful, I long for the male yet I could have the female," he continued to snicker, and Axel, thinking that he could possibly take advantage of this out of character moment, made a suggestion.

"If you want I could get her for you. Fucking her wouldn't be much different if you giver her a blonde wig and a strap on, plus it'd be a hell of a lot less work for me." Xaldin calmed himself quickly at these words.

"I do not want him for his gender or his looks. He is quite pretty, of course, but normally I prefer women. I want him for his strength, you see. All that power packed into such a small, frail looking body... it's quite honestly delicious," he shuddered slightly, and Axel looked just a bit disturbed.

"So... you won't take Xion instead?"

"I will not. Xion is weak, Axel, you know that as well as I. I'll not touch anyone who could lose control over their weapon."

"How do you know that!" Axel yelled suddenly. He'd thought he'd kept that particular secret very well!

"I saw her here with Roxas once, and she was using his Keyblade. It was very funny actually. Roxas did more damage with a stick than she did with his weapon," he grinned sharply.

"Ah, so you were stalking him then too. Just don't tell anyone that, alright? Xion would probably get turned into a dusk if you did."

"That would likely solve my problem," Xaldin continued to smirk.

"And make another. Roxas would hate you if you did something to her. Why in hell do you think I try to save the girl on a regular damn basis." Xaldin sighed.

"Then how in the world do I fix that? I've no idea."

"I'll get the both of them a mission here, separate ones. I'll convince her to tell you about her crush, then just tell her you don't feel that way. Try to be gentle about it too, alright? If she seems too upset Roxas might blame you and then there goes all the shit we've done. Now, for the fun part. When Roxas comes, you need to implement step two: flirting."

"Alright. I believe I can do that, at least the part involving Xion, but I don't know how to flirt. Tell me about that," he said, seeming too serious for their conversation.

"It's not that hard man. Just do what you did when Roxas was here earlier, but scaled back a little. Like, don't immediately jump to ballroom dancing and worshiping his beauty. Be a little more tactful, I guess is what I'm saying," Axel said as the other nodded, looking for all the world like he desperately needed a notebook to write these tips down in. "Have you ever had a damn girlfriend man?"

"Yes, but none of them were serious relationships. As a human I mostly just picked someone up in a bar if I wanted to have sex," he shrugged, and once again Axel looked shocked. He really didn't seem like the one-night stand type.

"Alrighty then! Anything else you need to know before I head on back to the castle? I've got a hell of a lot of work to do if I want to get them missions here," the red head said, wondering how he'd get Saix to sanction giving both his Keyblade users missions in a relatively quiet area.

"I believe I can handle that. I'll send a report of an influx of weak Emblems and request help from Xion, then about a week later I'll send a report of a giant Emblem and request Roxas. It won't be that difficult," the man shrugged.

"And the explanation for no hearts during these two missions?" Axel asked.

"Well now, it's not as though I can control what the Beast does, can I?" he smirked.

"Clever. Well, saved me a lot of work then. I'll have a chat with Xion, alright? See you later." Xaldin nodded, and Axel opened a dark portal to the castle and headed off to Xion's room. He'd convinced her to confess her feelings in the hour.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts

* * *

When Saix came up to Xion and told her she had a mission in Beast's Castle she was excited. Axel had told her that she should always confess affectionate feelings because you felt better afterward even if they weren't returned. She hoped they were, and figured it was pretty likely, considering she was the only girl around now. In any case, before the mission she rummaged around in Larxene's old room and came across a small box of make-up which she applied rather messily before opening a dark portal and appearing in the ballroom of Beast's Castle.

* * *

Xaldin, for his part, had come up with what he thought was a pretty good plan: offer the girl friendship and attempt to redirect her affection to another person. He felt Axel would be a good choice, simply because it would be a wonderful punishment for all his misguided endeavors in the Organization. After a while it was time to put his plan in action because he saw her wandering around the halls, looking for Heartless that didn't exist.

* * *

Xion jumped when Xaldin appeared in front of her, dark and imposing as always.

"Good evening, Xion," he said, trying to keep his face neutral in order to avoid encouraging her, though the messy make-up on her face made him want to smirk. She really should have gotten someone who knew what they were doing to put that on.

"H-Hello Xaldin. I um... can I uh, tell you something, maybe?" she asked and Xaldin looked a little confused. She was quite bold, at the very least.

"I suppose, but aren't you here for a mission?" he asked, feigning ignorance over the lack of Heartless.

"I'm supposed to be, b-but I haven't seen any Emblems. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I... I l-like you, a lot!" she said, suddenly yelling, and Xaldin slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Hush, please! Our Beastly host has been growing rather suspicious lately. Now, as for your confession, I must say I do not reciprocate. I would, however, enjoy having your friendship, and I've a good idea of where your affection may be more wanted," he said, and Xion, while obviously quite sad, nodded. Xaldin moved his hand.

"Who do you think likes me?" she asked softly, not looking at him. Xaldin sighed. His perfect plan would have to wait until he calmed her down a bit more.

"Now now, don't be upset. You're a nice girl, surely, but I..." he paused, trying to get her to ask what he was going to say and figuring that if the pity card worked on dear Roxas it would likely work on his copy as well.

"You what?" she didn't disappoint.

"I do not have a particular attraction to those of the fairer sex," he said, looking away a bit as though he were embarrassed and hoping Axel wouldn't blow this lie out of the water.

"You mean... you don't like girls?" she asked, perking up a bit at the thought that it wasn't her that was wrong, it was her gender.

"Indeed, I'm afraid." Xion was suddenly hugging him.

"You're so brave for telling me! I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable Xaldin, but I promise I don't like you that way anymore!" Xaldin resisted the urge to sigh. This was so frustrating! The object of his adoration thought he was strange and now this little wretch had the nerve to... to cuddle with him! He would bear it, however, because he could not remember ever wanting someone as badly as he wanted Roxas, and this was a step to getting him, horrid though it was. Eventually, when he felt her nuzzling, _nuzzling_, him, he pried her off and stepped away.

"It is alright. Now, I do believe I told you I knew of someone who would perhaps be more receptive to your affection: Axel. He is your friend, correct? I believe you and he would be quite compatible," Xaldin smirked, imagining the look on Axel's face if he had to go through what just happened to him. Xion looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Nah, Axel is cute, I guess, but he and Roxas are my best friends, so being with one of them would be really weird, you know? I think I'll maybe try to get to know Demyx," she grinned, and Xaldin felt an ache in his head.

"Yes. Alright, good. Now, I don't believe you'll be finding any Heartless around here, I observed the Beast killing them in droves not long after I sent in the report. I apologize for wasting your time," Xaldin said, and Xion laughed.

"It's cool, I found out Roxas was right! You really aren't so bad, now that I'm getting to know you! I hope you get to come to the Clock Tower soon!" she laughed, and Xaldin nodded. It would likely help the process of getting Roxas if Axel was around to help him. He hoped his mission here ended soon.

* * *

When Roxas was asked to go to Beast's Castle the next day he was surprisingly happy, and he guessed it was because he'd become friends with Xaldin, and he didn't get to see him any other time. He wondered if Xaldin would be able to help him with the Heartless, because the giants always seemed to develop some sort of intense anger in Beast's Castle, and that didn't bode too well for him. By some stroke of luck Xaldin was already there when he appeared.

"Hey Xaldin! Do you have time to help me today? I'm supposed to hunt down a giant Heartless," the blonde grinned, and Xaldin smiled.

"Of course, though I cannot promise we'll find it. The Beast has been doing double-time recently."

"That's okay! I don't see you any other time, so this will be fun! Come on, let's check the bridge!" Roxas said, bouncing out of the castle. Xaldin raced after him, and when they saw nothing on the bridge Xaldin stopped him from going inside.

"Roxas, hold on. There is no giant Heartless, I sent in a false report because I wanted to see you, and the power of the Keyblade is not often needed here. Stay out here with me, for a little while," the dark haired man said softly, and Roxas smiled.

"You'll get in trouble if you do stuff like that Xaldin! Saix yells at Axel enough for being friends with me when we don't have hearts, I don't want him to yell at you too. I can just come visit here after I go to the Clock Tower, at least until your mission here is done."

"That sounds nice, Roxas. Come, let's sit over here. The stars look lovely in this world," Xaldin said, moving over to a stone bench and sitting heavily. Roxas did as he said with a smile and swung his legs back and forth in much the same way he did on the Clock Tower. Xaldin leaned back against the bench just as a wind blew and caused his hair to strike his face. Roxas laughed, leaned up, and brushed it off.

"What's so funny?" Xaldin asked.

"Your hair hitting your face! Why do you keep it so long anyway?" Roxas asked, his own bangs flopping down into his eyes. Xaldin smirked.

"For the same reason you don't cut your bangs I suppose," he stated as he pushed the boy's bangs back. A pale pink flush settled on Roxas' cheeks.

"O-Oh..."

"What's wrong, Roxas? You seem nervous," the man said, happy at his ability to embarrass the sweet boy.

"Nothing! Hey, hey, Axel told me the stars made pictures. Did you know that?" the blonde asked, obviously changing the subject.

"I did. They're called constellations, and most of them have a story to go along with them. I learned about them in school, when I was human," Xaldin said, going along with the subject change.

"Really? Where did the stories come from?" Roxas wondered, looking interested.

"Many different human cultures. Often, you see, there was naught to do but look at the stars," Xaldin said with a soft smile.

"You'll tell me about them sometime, right?" Roxas asked, looking hopeful.

"Of course."

"That's good. Hey, I heard you convinced Xion to get to know Demyx a little better," Roxas grinned.

"I did. I'm sure you realized she had a crush on me, but I did not reciprocate her feelings, so I merely attempted to turn her affections elsewhere."

"Well, thanks for that. I think she and Demyx will get along pretty well, and Demyx kind of needs a girl who doesn't try to kill him like Larxene used to. But uh... she kind of told me something else too," Roxas said, shifting.

"And what is that?" Xaldin asked, already having an idea and wanting to kill the stupid girl.

"She said that you... like boys more than girls!" he said, spitting out the sentence quickly.

"And? Is that a problem?" the elder asked, sincerely hoping that no, no it wasn't.

"No! No, not at all! I don't mind, I was just curious I guess. I've never heard of something like that before."

"Ah. It's not exactly uncommon, to be honest," Xaldin said, wondering how the boy could have been in the Organization as long as he had and not know about homosexuality. It was quite hard to avoid hearing Saix and Xemnas during their nightly activities.

"Well, do you like anyone? Maybe since you helped Xion I can help you!" Roxas laughed.

"I do like someone, but I don't think you'll be able to help me very much in that regard."

"Don't be silly! Just tell me, and me, Axel, and Xion will help," the boy's smile was too sweet, and Xaldin couldn't help but wrap his arm around him.

"I wonder, Roxas, would you be upset if I told you it was you I liked?" Xaldin asked, thinking of how Axel would scold him if he knew what he was doing. Roxas' blue eyes went enormously wide.

"I-I don't really... know," Roxas said, as Xaldin turned him to face him.

"If you've not got an answer better than that I fear I'll ruin the friendship you've offered me," the dark haired man said, his eyes lidded as his thumb rubbed small circles in Roxas' shoulder.

"I don't... think I would mind, not really," Roxas said, moving slightly into the heat the other man gave off.

"That's good," Xaldin mumbled, leaning down slowly as Roxas' eyes closed. Their lips were millimeters apart when a dark portal split open and Axel appeared.

"Whoa whoa whoa man, when did flirting turn into making out?" the red head smirked, and Roxas turned bright red.

"Damn you, why are you here?" Xaldin asked impatiently, his fingers drumming against Roxas' shoulder.

"I came to give you step three, but it looks like you've skipped over that and gone straight ahead to like, step ten! Geez, Rox, that was really quick for someone who doesn't know anything about relationships, much less gay ones," the red head laughed, and Roxas blushed even brighter.

"Hush, Axel. Do not embarrass him, it was more my doing than his. I, however, do not require your assistance any longer. Do go to my room in the castle and get your prize from the lock box on my dresser," Xaldin said, grabbing a key from his pocket and tossing it to the red head.

"Really? Hey, alright! I'll leave you two lovebirds alone! Good luck Rox," Axel saluted and disappeared.

"W-What just happened?" Roxas questioned, absolutely mortified.

"As terrible as it is for me to say, I asked for Axel's help in getting you in a relationship, for I had no idea of how to do it. In return I promised him a treasure I picked up in Agrabah," Xaldin couldn't look at the boy, who was suddenly laughing despite his flaming face.

"That's actually sort of sweet," the blonde said, wrapping his arms around Xaldin's middle.

"So you are not angry with me?" the older asked, and he felt Roxas shake his head in answer.

"Nope! Do you think you could maybe kiss me now? I want to know what that feels like." Xaldin, shocked and inordinately happy for a Nobody, lifted Roxas' chin up and slowly lowered his lips to press against Roxas', and while it was by far more chaste a kiss than he'd ever had, Xaldin felt it was one of the best and held Roxas tightly against his side until the blonde started to yawn.

"You should be getting back to the Castle Roxas, it's getting a bit chilly and I don't want you sick." Roxas nodded, but before opening a portal he looked up and puckered his lips. Xaldin smirked and swept the boy up, once more pressing their lips together passionately. Roxas returned the gesture clumsily, his hands seeking purchase against Xaldin's coat, and whimpered quietly when Xaldin's tongue pressed against the seam of his lips. Xaldin growled quietly at the sound, and Roxas gasped in return, allowing the invading appendage to explore Roxas' mouth. Roxas once again attempted to return the gesture, lightly rubbing his own tongue against Xaldin's. The man shuddered, and suddenly released the young blonde. "Goodbye for now, Roxas. You will visit soon, yes?" Xaldin asked, unusually insecure. Roxas, lips a little swollen, grinned and nodded before opening a portal and disappearing from sight.

* * *

When Roxas awoke the next morning he was happier than he'd been in quite a while, and that happiness increased exponentially when he saw the gorgeous crimson rose resting on his night stand. He left the Castle That Never Was as soon as he got dressed, and within the hour he was curled in the arms of his dearest Xaldin, the flower, which had had the thorns removed, perched in his hair.

* * *

Axel, who was in the Twilight Town accessories shop, did not have such a happy ending.

"What the hell do you mean this ruby is fake!?" Axel screeched, and the clerk covered her ears.

"I mean what I said, sir. This isn't real. Now, please quiet down a bit, I don't appreciate you scaring off the other customers," she said, pushing her glasses up her nose. The red head broke down crying, the spikes in his hair drooping slightly.

"All that work, for nothing! Do you know how hard it is to be a matchmaker for an adorable blonde and a monstrous, frightening beast? DO YOU!?" he cried, and the girl looked around nervously before patting his back.

"There there sir, I don't have any idea what you're talking about," she said in a way she obviously thought was comforting. The red head wailed louder, and she winced and covered her ears.

"I-It was so hard! I didn't even ask much in return, all I wanted was a shiny red ruby earring, but I can't even have that! That bastard won't let me!" the red head rolled around on the floor, and when the girl tried to get him to stand and leave the store he just cried harder. Eventually she just got a broom and, with the help of another employee, swept him out. He continued to cry the whole way, and didn't stop until he'd spent five minutes on the ground outside. Finally, when he stood, he looked up at the sky and yelled a promise. "XALDIN, YOU BASTARD! I'M COMING TO KILL YOU!"

* * *

In a far away castle inhabited by living furniture and a huge Beast, a dark haired man turned his face away from his dearest blonde's and sneezed.

* * *

A/N Well guys, I hope anyone who actually read this crackish story is happy, because I enjoyed writing this. I'm discovering now that I have a ridiculously huge love for crack pairings, though I've got no idea why. The next story in the Roxas X every Organization male will be Vexen X Roxas. Yeah, I worry about that one too.


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